aerialassault | Appointments

[Souji could deflect, hide, and lie all he wanted, but Cliff wasn't going to let this go with a proper debriefing for the both of them. The Shift had thrown them into a curious position beyond just their friendship, and it had given them something that neither would have in their own worlds. For Cliff, it was something that he didn't even know that he wanted. He was thirty-seven himself, but had never entertained the idea of having a wife or children as even being a possibility. The ire of an intergalactic organization was enough incentive for him to avoid the very thought of it.

Cliff set his own bottle aside as well. It was just a quiet show of camaraderie, nothing more. The bottle itself meant nothing. The emotions were far heavier in comparison.

Souji's military demeanor meant nothing to Cliff. He saw through it and was more than willing to call him on it.]

I wasn't talking physically.

[And of course, there it was: a necessary talk that Souji wanted to avoid at all costs. They were friends, nothing more than that - it could be nothing more than that - and he just wanted to bury everything that had happened so far into his subconscious that he never thought of it again. He was used to doing such things and it no longer bothered him unless he actually paid attention to what he was doing.

The plastic crinkled in his hand and Saizou snorted as the water gushed a bit harder out of the bottle than he had expected. He watched the surface tension waver at the edge and then slowly relaxed, causing it to recede back. He'd spent more than enough time thinking up excuses and deflections and he knew he had to use them now, even if he wasn't exactly ready for it.]

There isn't really anything to talk about, is there? The enemy twisted the entire village into a falsehood. People will move on soon enough.

[Souji set the water bottle down and patted Saizou off his lap, climbing to his feet.]

I should get going. I'm fairly certain it's time for Tammy's afternoon feeding.

Shaddup, Souji. I hate it when you lie to me.

[He didn't move an inch, but his gaze sharpened the moment he saw Souji rise to his feet. This was a conversation that needed to happen, regardless of Souji's desires. Something this big left a mark on everyone, and Cliff didn't need to take any guesses about how hard it hit Souji.

The kinks that remained in the plastic bottle made the information loud and clear.

Cliff continued, aiming to just state the facts as he saw them and nothing more.]

Listen. I know it hurts, but this isn't something that will just go away if you ignore it. It'll get bigger, until it smacks you something hard like it did on TERRACE.

...No one likes to see their friends get hurt. That includes you, in all ways.

[If Cliff meant to hit Souji hard, then he hit his mark straight on. Rather than flinch or bite back at him, however, the swordsman went completely quiet, staring down at his friend dispassionately. TERRACE was a memory he wanted to forget, even if it was one that eventually saved his life. Remembering TERRACE made him remember home and the last time he spent time with Hijikata alone, when he was alive and well and not trapped in this place that kept ripping him away again. Right after the raid, when Souji was too weak to walk on his own, blood still on his lips as he tried to reassure his friend that he wasn't dying.

No one liked it when they were lied to, but sometimes the lies were the only things that kept them going.

Still he didn't want to hurt Cliff either, and most of the responses that were flying to the forefront of his mind would do just that. "You can talk to me about how much it hurts when you see a future you can never have because you and everyone you loved is already dead" was the main one. That wouldn't do anything but make Cliff angry and so he held his tongue and waited as his rationality caught up to him. It was clear that Cliff was dealing with everything far better than Souji was, and the last thing the swordsman wanted was to be a burden. He'd been told before that if he lost his usefulness, he'd be left behind.

He'd always wondered if that was why all his friends had left him.]

If you hate being lied to, you shouldn't be friends with me.

[He gave the man a small, tired smile and leaned down to pick up the water bottle - his constant distraction from everything else.]

I'm not hurt, Cliff-san. No more than you are. And the things we could talk about are things I doubt could ever be changed. I've come to accept that over the years.

[Just because Souji had learned to numb his heart regarding what was true for him in his own world didn't mean that he had fully accepted the circumstances. The deflections and distractions, the little things that he did, were tiny hints of something else lingering in the darkness that Cliff knew was there. No amount of jokes and smiles could hide that fact from Cliff.

He had been playing this game for too long. He hated using these tricks on his friends.]

Souji. [The lightness of his tone had given way to something more somber as he spoke.] You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?

[He met Souji's smile with concern in his eyes.]

I've found that people lie the most when they're scared or hurting. Or, scared of being hurt. It's natural, but hiding from your friends doesn't make getting through problems any easier for anyone. You're military, right? Most military guys don't work solo in my experience.

What are you trying to hide from here?

Edited 2013-08-20 19:58 (UTC)

[He didn't expect anyone to believe him, but he always hoped they would. It was hard enough putting what he felt into words that wouldn't scare everyone away, but talking about things that scared him was nearly impossible. It hurt too many people and then their faces changed. He hated watching people look at him, waiting for the day when he wasted away. The pity and sorrow was too much for him to handle.

Hijikata had taught him how to kill, but no one had taught him how to grieve.

With the smile stuck on his face like a picture frozen on a television, Souji shook his head.]

I'm samurai - it isn't quite the same as military, but it is close.

[He looked down at Saizou who was staring up at him as he lifted the water bottle from the ground and straightened up. The pig stepped forward and craned its neck back to look at its master.]

As for what I was hiding from? I was hiding from you.

[He turned his gaze to Cliff and tried to bring his light tone back from the grave. He even managed a small laugh.]

I'm apparently not as good at hide and seek as I used to be. Is it your turn to hide now? Or do you not need to do it as much as I do.

[Cliff sighed, moderately frustrated at how this was flowing. The darkness that hung around Souji was deep, possibly too deep for Souji to entirely get out of even with aid. It concerned Cliff but there was one things he knew for certain:

It wasn't his job to do that. Help like that would just destroy Souji's pride.

Such wounds wouldn't ever entirely heal, and the scars ran deeper than anything a blade could deliver. Cliff looked up at Souji, watched him fidget and pause with that false, superficial smile.

He crossed his arms]

I don't need to hide at all, Souji. I've got nothing to hide from anyone. [Transparency was one thing he made a point to maintain, even if there were moments when he knew it wasn't right to reveal the entire truth.]

And, I thought you knew this by now.

You don't need to hide from me.

[Nothing to hide from anyone - Souji wished he knew what that felt like. Skill, bloodthirst, and his penchant to strike to kill even in a fight were things widely known by most people. Everyone knew about the demonic murderer of the Shinsengumi and Souji had never minded that.

It was the other part that he could never talk about. And even now, he wasn't sure if Cliff's invitation wasn't just an open door to disaster.

He watched his friend for a moment, wondering why he could lay his life down for Cliff without a moment's thought but couldn't do the man the simple act of trusting. He wavered for a moment, then crouched down in front of him, balancing on the balls of his feet, looking up into his face.]

I envy you, Cliff-san. Your honesty and trust, your straightforward nature. Your hope. Your future.

[Once, he could have had that. He trusted, he had tried to live normally and with hope. But then he'd read books and learned the truth. Then he had died and learned that he would not live much past a year at home. He couldn't imagine how difficult it had been for his friends, who had come here long after their own deaths, to return to that nothingness with their mission still unfinished and doomed to fail. He'd never been the strong one in the group. That had been Hijikata, Kondou, even Tetsunosuke, but never Souji. And all of them died on a battlefield or were executed without Souji even knowing, all while he wasted away in a back room in Edo.

He smiled faintly and rocked back onto his heels, ready to stand up.]

Thank you for letting me have a family for a short time. I should go now.

[Cliff reached out and grabbed Souji's hand. It was loose enough for Souji to escape if he so wished, but he wanted to make his point clear.

If he could find words.

As well spoken as he was when the situation called, he had learned long ago that even the most understanding of words didn't mean anything. Though he had spent his adult life working long and hard for his cause, one that would hopefully pave the way for others to work together and build a more egalitarian future, he had a hunch that he would end up being just one name among dozens in a couple hundred years....if even that.

If they were even allowed to have a future, from what he heard in that other place. 'Server Shut Down' sounded so cold compared to the reality. There was even no guarantee that his fate would end up the same as Fayt's, if his suspicions about how these different realities worked were true. For all Cliff knew, odds were that he could end up dead as well.

There was no way for him to know.

He didn't look at Souji, and didn't move. He only held that hand.

Souji deserved thanks too. He had helped Cliff experience something that he had always envied in other men.

A life of balance, of dedication to both loving his work and loving a family.]

[The gesture took him by such surprise that he almost snatched his hand away out of instinct. It wasn't pity or sorrow in the touch, but gratitude and understanding - neither of which Souji had much experience in receiving. He looked at Cliff's hand, still frozen from the shock, and then felt the tension in him begin to dissolve. His shoulders relaxed and his weight shifted slightly as his instinct backed down, allowing him to feel his friend's warmth and the comfort inherent in that. It was such a simple motion, one whose power he'd never really understood until now. He still had so much to learn about people.

Souji squeezed Cliff's hand lightly in return and, crossing his free arm over the top of his knees, laid his temple against it. From here he could see Saizou sitting nearby, watching them quietly, and he could hear Cliff's steady breathing as he looked away. It was strange to hold hands with someone, but at the same time, it made him feel better than all his running and hiding combined. After a moment, he closed his eyes as he tried to memorize this new feeling for however long Cliff decided to let it last.]

[It was amazing, what the little things could do. The palpable tension in the air around them slowly started to abate with Souji's silent acknowledgement and acceptance of what little Cliff had to offer-- Cliff breathed a sigh of relief. This was one less person he had to run after.

For now.

Cliff didn't withdraw his hand from Souji's grasp. The decision to stay or leave was Souji's alone, as it should have been. Cliff didn't have the right to force his way through Souji's heart. He would only leave s wounded man in his wake and break something that was so hard to attain.

Trust.

He slowly lifted his eyes up from the floor and settled his gaze on Souji's face, just taking in the peaceful expression for a few moments before he decided to speak.]

Yanno. I'm not gonna force you to do anything that you don't want. It's your life, your choices, and you don't need to answer to anyone about it. But, as your friend, just know that I'm going to concern myself with you and...well, hope that one day you'll let me through.

Things aren't perfect, but no one expects them to be. Life...is hard. But, [He flashed Souji a small, reassuring smile,] that doesn't mean you've gotta go it alone.

[He could feel Cliff shift as he began to talk and Souji relaxed his grip. His words were familiar, things he knew intellectually, and somehow being told them reminded him of what other people often said about him. For all his years and his deadly force, Souji was so very much a child. Usually it never embarrassed him, but suddenly he felt his ears turning a little red as he looked up from his headrest. Rather than let the embarrassment show, he smiled back at Cliff and nodded slightly as he pulled his hand away. He pillowed his head on top of both arms and turned his gaze fully toward Cliff.]

You sound like you're proposing. Or you're being old. I can't decide which.

[His lips quirked up in an amused smile at his own teasing and then he winked at Cliff, relaxing a little more. He understood what the man really meant and he let it show in the appreciative smile that hid beneath his mirth.]

Hey-- why does everyone say I'm old?

[But it was true, and he wouldn't deny it. He had twelve years on Souji, and seventeen on Fayt. It did make him old...in all of the strange ways he didn't know how to handle.

Cliff scratched his neck, contemplating the veracity of the words and the sincerity in Souji's voice.]

Aah-- maybe you're right. Old guys like me get to wanting things...

It doesn't matter.

[He returned Souji's teasing grin.]

Would you marry me? It was fun playing house with you!

[He laughed a little and shrugged.]

I used to tell Hijikata-san the same thing and he'd get this really angry wrinkle right there. [Souji reached up and pointed between Cliff's eyebrows.] I think old people get that, but you didn't, so you must not be that old.

[He pulled his arm back and then laughed again.]

And I would, but I don't know if you'd want to marry me. I'm not as good a cook as I was in our pretend house.

[A look. Cliff stared at Souji, clearly dumbfounded.]

Why's cooking so important? I know a few people who kick me out of the kitchen all the time because they wanna do it on their own.

[He couldn't figure out the reason either. It wasn't like he tried to burn the noodles he was wanted to boil, after all. It just somehow happened when he was busy ~~annihilating~~ squishing the cucumber for the sauce. That was exactly how spaghetti worked, wasn't it?]

Besides, it ain't you're cooking that matters. You're a friend. [He took full advantage of his rights as an old man to reach forward and ruffle Souji's ponytail.]

That's the part that matters.

[Why wasn't cooking important? Souji was also just as dumbfounded as Cliff was for a moment, then laughed away the ruffling of his hair.]

When you find someone who is a good cook, you'll understand. I would have liked to introduce you to my friend if she were still here. I think she could have changed your mind.

[He could cook, but he was nowhere near as good as Ayumu. Not that many were. Souji let his head roll to the side, his temple resting against his arms again, and thought for a moment on the absurdity of their situation. He smiled at Cliff and his optimism, heartened by his words even if the weight of his future hadn't fully lifted.]

I'll have to take lessons, I guess.

Yeah. Well...

[He didn't really need Souji, or anyone, to cook for him. It wasn't his fault that no one else appreciated his art!]

You can take whatever lessons you want. I'm not gonna complain about getting free food out of it if you need someone to test it either.

[Headscratch. Cliff looked away, clearly pondering the strangeness of the situation himself. Souji was a friend, but he didn't deny that there was more affection than there was before.

Maybe he could fill Souji in on a few details. Someday.]

Then why don't you and Fayt-kun come by for dinner sometime? Kohaku-chan doesn't eat save for milk and honey, but she appreciates the company.

[Saizou snorted and Souji lifted his head to look at him. The pig was staring, wondering why they were still here if they were no longer hiding. That was a good question, of course, but Souji tilted his head back, considering his options. When he spoke, he was still looking at Saizou, even if his question was directed at Cliff.]

Have you eaten yet?

No, I haven't.

[Cliff was still looking out the window as he spoke, watching the clouds move by on the currents that carried them. It was funny. The sky was always the same no matter what world he travelled to. Distant, and filled with clouds that lazily watched the world like it was some kind of tv drama.

He wondered what this counted as.

Souji's suggestion was the basic idea of a family dinner, complete on a sunday evening with some kind of meticulously prepared but homey entree and pie for dessert. Just like those old dramas he occasionally heard Earthlings talk about.

It sounded like it could be fun.]

...We'll need to include Nel in this too. She's one scary lady when she's left out.

[Then family dinners or not, it was decided. It would be good to have people over again. The house could get quiet with just the two of them there and maybe Kohaku could bring some of her friends, too. Souji always felt better when he was surrounded by people, especially at meal times. He smiled at Saizou first, then turned his gaze to Cliff.]

Oh, I assumed she'd be coming with Fayt-kun. Or were they not together in your world either?

[Cliff also liked the idea of it. He missed the loud, boisterous camaraderie of his fellow Klausians on the Diplo, or even the misadventures in the inns during his travels through Aquaria and Aeriglyph.

Cliff tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, as if in askance at Souji.]

Together? No way! She's one tough lady back home. An intelligence operative, if you will.

[He paused. Perhaps that was too modern a term to understand.]

Uh...wait. You'd probably call her a Ninja.

[He laughed openly at that, feeling more like his old self now as he rocked back a little.]

Oh! Yes, I told her that once and she was very confused. She's very cute, even if she could probably kill me in my sleep.

[Not that it was likely to happen what with how lightly he slept, but he recognized talent when he saw it.]

They made such a cute couple though. ...I wonder how they are holding up.

Knowing the two of them? They're both fine.

[Cliff didn't need to check in on them to know it was true. You travel around unknown territory in the 'custody' of an imposing runologist and spy for long enough to fight dragons and survive a war...and you become very familiar with eachother's methods and ways.

It was like how he was becoming with Souji, and the return of that old smile was a flag for him to investigate.]

...how 'bout you? Feeling better?

[Fine, huh? If Cliff seemed so sure about it, Souji wanted to take his word for it. He knew he could trust Cliff, but at the same time, he wouldn't be completely reassured until he saw them himself. He didn't know Fayt and Nel as well, even after playing pretend as family for a week, so he was naturally worried about them.

When Cliff asked after him, he paused and looked over. Cliff was still concerned and Souji didn't want to worry him any longer. Even if he wasn't 'better' per say, he no longer needed to hide so he smiled back at Cliff as if nothing were wrong.]

Once I sleep, I'm sure I'll be fine. Before that, would you like to get something to eat?

Once you sleep, huh?

[He lifts an eyebrow, not believing Souji was telling the entire truth for a moment but also not verbally calling him on it. He had gotten Souji to think, and that was enough of a success for him.

Cliff laced his fingers together and stretched, easing out the tension in his shoulders and neck from sitting like that for their entire conversation. He paid no mind to any cracking joints. It was just the normal reward for knocking heads and being knocked back for twenty-odd years. It was simple, like his mentality on the shift itself.

There was never a reason to hide because there was nothing to be hidden.

Groaning as he worked out tight muscles, Cliff pulled himself to his feet and shot a mischeivous glance at Souji.]

I'm always up for getting something to eat. [He jerked a thumb over his shoulder.] Let's go.

[--but, instead of heading directly toward the door, he moved to bodily grab Souji.

It was all in good fun. Don't flail too hard.]

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